We have recently discovered a fantastic local independent organic food store. Each week we check out our cupboards to see what we already have, “What do you want for dinner?” I might ask Tim. We list what we want and then go shopping in this little emporium and see what other fruit and veg tempt us.
So why am I sharing this with you?
When you buy your groceries, do you make a list or perhaps walk along the shop aisles deciding what you want?
What you probably don’t do is compile a list of what you don’t want. Imagine that, walking into the supermarket and thinking, “No, I don’t want bananas, baked beans or washing powder”. That just doesn’t make sense!
But how often in life do we focus on what we don’t want?
I don’t want to be anxious/worried/overthinking
I don’t want to be alone/have bad relationships
I don’t want to be so busy/ frantic /have no time
How often do you ask yourself what you want? I know I have recently. It seems that we are at a cusp of a new direction of where to live and how we want to live our lives.
If we don’t know what we want, we often focus on what we don’t want, and the issue with that is we tend to get more of that.
Recently I was coaching a client and asked them, “What do you want?” There was a long pause, a furrowed brow turning to a quizzical expression.
They struggled to verbalise, so I suggested they start with what they didn’t want and flip the response.
Waving their arms frantically, they breathlessly answered, “I don’t want to feel frazzled”. Then, in a nanosecond, their tension went, their breathing slowed down, and they calmly said that they wanted to feel relaxed and content. The difference was palpable! And the look on their face when they recognised this change within them was priceless.
This focus on “What do you want” has stemmed from a Mastery Coaching Programme I am participating. My mentor, Dominic Scaffidi, wrote this profound post. Please read slowly, like listening to a piece of beautiful music. What occurs for you?
“When we live through events that we do not want, we learn nothing unless we achieve greater understanding and clarity of what we DO want.
We are doomed to repeat the past when we keep looking at what is unwanted and continue to focus intensely on that.
We cannot create what we do want with our attention focused on what we do not want.
At some point, we must turn toward what we want. We must focus on the desire that has been clarified by living through those unwanted and undesirable things.
And as we give our undivided attention to that, we begin to move toward and create that new world.
We are always expressing what we focus upon. And we are always moving in the direction we are looking.”
How true is this!
How often do specific unhelpful patterns keep appearing in our lives? It’s as if the Universe keeps nudging us, offering us life lessons, and if we don’t listen and learn, we get more. The nudges turn into a metaphorical wet fish slap across the face. Not pleasant!
It can be tricky to discover learning on our own as these can be blind spots for us – hence one of the benefits of having a coach. However, one big fat clue is by noticing the advice you give to others.
Numerous times clients have shared with me the recommendations they’ve given to others. When I suggest they hold up the mirror, they realise they need to listen to themselves!
When we discover the gift of learning from these events AND determine what we DO want, we can move on… the impact can be magical, an absolute game-changer.
What is it that you focus on that doesn’t serve you? What DO you want instead? I’d love to hear your answers. Email me at email@example.com
Hi, I am Lindsey Reed. I love connecting with people and enabling them to remember who they really are, their true selves. Coaching is online, the wonders of technology. If you would like to connect with me, pop an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. Let’s have a conversation. I look forward to hearing from you.
My book Got It: The Answer to a Confident, Productive & Stress-Free Life is available from Amazon in over 25 countries. It describes how we create our experience of our own reality called life. Through this understanding, we can have a more confident and freeing life.