Confidence is one of those subjects that is often misunderstood. I’ve just googled it, and there is a multitude of tips and techniques on how to be confident. I understand – that’s what I used to include in the workshops I started back in 2009.
That seems a lifetime away now; much of my understanding of this subject has changed since then. Reading the notes for that first workshop, I noticed that the topics included quite a few tools and techniques to be confident. We explored changing beliefs, mindfulness, brain gym, the power of language and physiology. It looked like all good stuff back then, and we received some glowing testimonials after the workshop.
However, I have realised that we don’t need to remember tools and techniques to be confident. That’s surface stuff, a quick patch up rather than profoundly understanding what’s happening when we are feeling confident or not.
We often hear people say, “I lack confidence” however, this is a fallacy. It certainly can feel that confidence is missing from our lives at times; we can feel insecure, doubting ourselves – I know, I’ve been there. Yet no one LACKS confidence. We were all born with natural confidence, and it’s in-built in us and bubbling under the surface all the time.
As babies, we confidently learn many things, we fail and try again, we function perfectly. Our adorable grandson is learning to walk. He recently had a massive egg lump on his forehead from attempting to take some shaky steps on his little chubby legs. Despite the knock, he has certainly not given up. His natural confidence, his inbuilt trust, giving him those superpowers of resilience and persistence, means that in 6 months, he’ll be running, let alone walking.
Did you notice that I wrote “Inbuilt trust”? The Latin root of the word “Confidence” means “with trust”.
Yes, we all intrinsically have natural confidence.
Rather than the question “how do I become confident?”, the more important question is, “What actually stands in the way of our natural confidence?”
As children, we model and pick up all manner of ideas about life, some helpful, others not. We focus on certain things and form thoughts around them. The more we pay attention to specific thoughts, the more we get of them. As the late motivational author Louise Hay wrote:
“The simple part is, every thought we think, and every word we speak is creating our future. If you change your thinking, you can change your life.”
Our thinking process is just like Algorithms on the internet, so we get more of what we metaphorically click “like”. The more we focus on thoughts such as “I’m not good enough”, that’s what we notice about ourselves. These unhealthy thoughts are repeated when we don’t understand how our mind works.
The critical thing to explore is understanding how we create our reality. And part of the clue is through our thinking.
With approx 80,000 thoughts flowing through our heads each day, isn’t it a bit daft to focus on ones that cause us to feel unsettled and insecure? What if we didn’t judge these thoughts?
What if we gave them no meaning – as Shakespeare said in Hamlet
For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
We can’t change those pesky thoughts once they have been created; however, we don’t need to give them any attention. They are neutral bits of information.
If you see an item for sale on the internet that you don’t like, would you buy it? No, you’d scroll past. The thing is neutral – it’s saying nothing about who you really are – and nor are our thoughts.
We are extraordinary human beings – just the process of breathing is fantastic. We have the capacity of what thoughts to pay attention to. We have choices.
From coaching many people regarding confidence, clients notice that when they are calm and relaxed, they aren’t even aware of feeling confident or not!
They don’t need to change their thoughts, do techniques or add more thinking. They realise that nothing is obscuring their natural confidence.
No techniques, less to do and that natural confidence is already there. Cool eh!
Hi, I am Lindsey Reed. I love connecting with people and enabling them to remember who they really are, their true selves. And if you want to rediscover your natural confidence, then let’s have a conversation. Coaching is online, the wonders of technology.
If you would like to connect with me, pop an email to lindsey@glows-coaching.co.uk. I look forward to hearing from you.
My book Got It: The Answer to a Confident, Productive & Stress-Free Life is available from Amazon and Bookstores and has now been read in over 30 countries. It describes what Confidence really means and how to rediscover this in yourself.
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