Sometimes it’s quite nice to be wallowing in mud, especially when life throws up issues, problems, challenges. It can feel nice having self-pity, feeling sorry for ourselves, being the victim.
I was talking on the phone with a friend recently. She didn’t seem her usual bubbly self. “Hey, what’s up?” I said. Through the tears she shared that she had recently heard some news that had upset her. Now – I know that she will easily get through her situation…she is very resourceful, however I sensed that she didn’t want to be stuck in this state, so asked “So how long are you going to be wallowing in mud for? An hour?” We both burst out laughing…I wonder how long she remained in her mud? Knowing her – not long.
It may be fine wallowing in mud for short while…the odd hour or two. When it goes on for days, weeks, months, and even years, that’s when issues arise. It then begins to feel uncomfortably comfortable – the norm, and getting out of this mud-bath can seem scary. We become stuck, unable to move forward in life. Having this self-pitying or victim type mentality and remaining in the proverbial mud can lead to feeling depressed, affecting relationships, damaging our careers and the list can go on.
“We cannot solve our problems by using the same thinking we used when we created them” Albert Einstein
I used to think that my feelings were based on the outside world. “They made me feel small”, “That went wrong, so I feel stupid” “It’s raining so I feel down”…. I now realise that it’s not the outside that “makes” us feel a certain way – It’s our own thinking that does this!
If someone says something to me and I feel hurt, it’s not them making me hurt – it’s my own thoughts that causes my hurt…and if I hold on to these thoughts – I just fuel that hurt even more!! I am doing this to myself!!! Our experience is based on the way we think.
The issue is that when we are wallowing in mud, we take our thinking far too seriously!! We make up our thoughts and then start to believe them! We become mind readers of what others are thinking or feeling, or become Psychics for-seeing the future, perhaps imagining the worst. Or we rewind films of our past – watching over and over again and basking in the negative emotions – letting them prove like bread so that they double or triple in size. It’s all an illusion!
However, there are benefits for wallowing in mud – we’ve been soaking in mud baths for thousands of years. Their mineral properties are very useful in maintaining glowing and healthy skin, relaxing muscles and reducing inflammation. The odd hour is fine – just make sure you don’t remain there too long!
Lindsey Reed is an experienced NLP coach, trainer enables people to transform their lives and be their best selves. If you would like to work with Lindsey, contact her either by email firstname.lastname@example.org or call 01832 280168 for a chat to see if she is the right coach for you.