How many of us have either experienced suicidal thoughts or have known people who have ended their own lives? I put my hand up to both.
So why am I writing about this subject? In the last month, I have had a number of friends and clients contact me. Either they have sadly lost someone through suicide or they know of a person who has suicidal thoughts and reached out to me to see how best to support them. Luckily, an amazing lady, Judith Sedgeman from Three-Principles, who I met last year wrote a brilliant piece on Facebook about how to help someone suicidal. Talk about serendipity. And when something keeps rearing its head, then I sense that life is informing me to act. Hence this post.
Sometimes, life can get on top of us for many reasons; relationships, career, money, low self-worth or a sense of loneliness. The list could go on. The underlying cause though is the same for each one on this list. The person has been caught up in a whirlwind of thinking, suicidal thoughts, which they have taken seriously. If you are wanting to support someone, I suggest though that you don’t say that to them. It’s not helpful and possibly may cause them to feel even more low and desolate. For them, there is no solution apart from ending life. They may feel so exhausted by the constant thoughts revolving around their minds, or totally numb, already feeling dead inside, that there is no hope, no light, no way out.
I read recently of a young man who felt at loss in life. Many factors, he believed, were causing his misery. Luckily, there was a tiny flicker, right at the back of his mind, that he needed to reach out before it was too late, and he listened to his own wisdom. He was put in touch with a very wise person who shared with him that, underneath all this desolation, he was love. That tiny flicker sparked up and, thankfully he realised that yes, indeed he already is love in and of itself and now he is sharing this learning with many people, changing lives.
It certainly isn’t getting them to describe how they are feeling or asking them why they are being that way. As Judith says, this is counterproductive. Their thoughts remain in that fog, the more they talk about it, the more they remain IN it, just like being in quicksand, the more you struggle, the deeper you get.
Judith wisely suggests distracting the person first. Talk about anything other than their suicidal thoughts. You don’t need to cheer them up – it would be futile to try, ask them questions about something else, a holiday that they have experienced, what type of music they like, trust yourself, ask a question or ask their opinion that gets them thinking about something different and outside of their current quagmire. As Judith wrote, “It only takes one thought for the person to start to move into a different reality.” Trust yourself and you will know what to ask.
Just be there for this person, connecting with them from a place of love and reassurance, perhaps give them a light warm touch. Connecting is so important. I remember my mother-in-law once sharing with me that a hug can do magic – wise words indeed, especially if you know the person well, or even a gentle stroke on the arm. Rather than focus on their torment and their suicidal thoughts, see beyond this, feel beyond this, trust and know that they have infinite well-being and wisdom, they have just innocently forgotten this.
When we understand that all thought is temporary, it changes, it moves from one thing to another, like a bee flitting from one flower to the next, this is so liberating. By understanding how our human psychological system works, we don’t need to do anything with our thoughts, we don’t need to believe them or change the negative into positive. In fact, we don’t even need to judge our own thoughts.
We are not our thoughts. The gift of thought is so we can experience life, just as the gift of our feet and legs mean we can move unaided, or the gift of our eyes mean that we can see. Underneath the numbness or the desperate suicidal thoughts, there is natural well-being, wisdom and love.
When there is a flicker of light, just like in that young man, then that is the time to have a meaningful conversation about the principles of how we psychologically experience life, through our innate gifts of universal wisdom, consciousness and thought.
Thank you, Judith, for giving me permission to share your guidance, and let’s hope that this will help many people get beyond their suffering. I will finish with Judith’s wise words:
“Wisdom is like our circulation; it is an essential fact of life. We don’t feel it or even think much about it. But it is keeping us going. Wisdom is a life force. As soon as a person’s a mind quiets, their heart settles and their own wisdom arises. We don’t have to cheer them up; their spirits lift naturally. Love, just pure unconditional love, is the balm that helps the heart to settle and the spirits to lift. Wisdom is the light that shines from within all of us.”
I am Lindsey Reed, an experienced International Confidence Coach, Trainer and Author. My aim is for us all to have a joyful, fulfilled life and I love connecting with people and helping them to remember who they really are, their true selves and re-ignite their lives with confidence. While I am travelling around the world, I am coaching clients via the internet. If you would like to work with me, send an email to email@example.com so that we can connect.
My book Got It: The Answer to a Confident, Productive & Stress-Free Life is available from Amazon in paperback and Kindle/ebook format and is now in over 22 countries. It describes how we create our experience of our own reality called life and through this understanding, we can have a more confident and freeing life.[Photo by Meghan Holmes on Unsplash]