I used to think that I was an excellent judge of character and would dismiss people if they didn’t live up to my expectations. I would notice people’s perceived flaws and think they needed fixing. How egotistical is that!
On my spiritual journey, I am learning that judging others says more about me than them. How we experience the world is a reflection of our internal world… If I am judging others it doesn’t define who they are; it defines who I am.
I see now that we are all ok. No-one is flawed, no-one needs fixing, and I certainly have no right in judging others.
Now you may be thinking, “Hey, what about the murderers, the molesters, the mobs? Surely it is our right to criticise and judge them?”
However, what if they are doing the best with the misunderstanding they have about life? Remember that how we experience the world is a reflection of our internal world…imagine what their inner world must be like, how they must be suffering. Rather than judging others, compassion and love are needed. I so admire people who can do this naturally.
“To judge another is based on ego; to see another is based on wisdom.” – Elsie Spittle
We do not need to take heed of all the thoughts that flow through us. Beyond our personal thinking, we all have amazing innate wisdom. Sadly, much of society has forgotten this.
I have recently been on a Three Principles retreat in Peru, run by Jack Pransky and Nicole Beasley, (which my book “Got It” is based on if you are interested in understanding more). During eight incredible days, I experienced an insight, a change of thought about judging others and this is what I want to share with you:
A lovely lady, Del Adey-Jones, who has weekly Insightful Conversations about the Three Principles on Youtube is sitting opposite me. We are in a beautiful garden, full of rainbow colours in nature, flowers surrounding us. We are practising deeply listening to each other and ourselves. We have been asked to come up with an issue that we want to resolve.
I share with Del that I have a habit of judging others. I don’t like that aspect of me and so admire people, such as my sister, who doesn’t judge or collude with others. I continue talking, staying on the issue for some time. We never find answers looking inside the problem, that’s why we can often get stuck with our difficulties.
Del sits listening. I can feel her warmth, her knowing that I will find my way. She doesn’t need to say anything. I notice her relaxing and sitting back in her chair. I follow.
My busy thinking evaporates like whispers of smoke. I settle. I glance across at the flowers next to me. Pretty daisy-like flowers. Hey! I don’t judge the flowers. I look further. There are perfect flowers, wilting flowers and dying flowers. Do I judge any of them? No.
I look at other plants, sharing with Del what I notice. Her beautiful eyes are listening to me with a smile. I see some red flowers and mention that they are not my cup of tea; however, I do not criticise them. They are still creations of nature.
I suddenly see the connection and laugh. All nature is beautiful. I don’t judge flowers, trees, rocks, animals so why am I judging others, humans, who are also part of life? The thought of judging others seems ridiculous now.
My thoughts lead me back to those I have slated. I see beyond the behaviour. I see them, their unique gifts, and their beauty. I see them differently now. My judgement was nothing about them; it was inside me through my thinking.
We finish our session, and Del laughs. She points to the red flowers and says that they are one of her favourites. Another demonstration that shows how our experience of life only blossoms from within.
Do you have any insights of your own from what I have written? What do you notice about yourself when reading this? Please do email me; I’d love to know. And if you ever hear me judge anyone – please just mention “flowers” to me. Mucho Gracias xx
Hi, I am Lindsey Reed. I love connecting with people and helping them to remember who they really are, their true selves, re-igniting their lives with confidence. Currently travelling around the world, I am still coaching, the wonders of technology. If you would like to connect with me, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
My book Got It: The Answer to a Confident, Productive & Stress-Free Life is available from Amazon in paperback and Kindle/ebook format and is now in over 23 countries. It describes how we create our experience of our own reality called life and through this understanding, we can have a more confident and freeing life.