What is the cost of NOT having Confidence?

A few times each month I attend networks – meeting other business people where we share news, promote our businesses and support one another. I thoroughly enjoy these networks and over the years I have made many great friends and  it’s been wonderful working with many and seeing their businesses AND themselves grow.

Unfortunately I have also seen a few businesses not flourish – we all know that it’s been challenging times for a number of industries – however, for some of these businesses, I believe it has been the owner’s lack of confidence that has cost them their business - which is such a shame. Often it can be because they don’t like selling their products or services - fearing rejection or what others may think about them. They don’t invest in self development, perhaps they don’t feel worthy to spend money on themselves. And this is all down to their beliefs and confidence that has held them back.

So what are the other costs? In this week’s short video [2:45 minutes] I share with you 3 different costs that can hold you back if you don’t deal with lack of confidence. Once you have watched this – reflect on your life and if your lack of confidence is costing you. A few other costs: Is it costing you happiness in leading the life that you rightly deserve? It is costing you lack of sleep due to anxiety? It is costing you success – perhaps you are playing small – but deep down you know you are capable of more.

 

When you have discovered the cost – what action are you going to take to build up your confidence so that you have more happiness, success and contentment in your life?

You may be interested in booking onto the Confidence Workshop  where in 1 day you can start an exciting journey investing in you – yes – there’s a cost of money and time – however what a life changing investment so that you feel more confident, trust yourself and have a much more positive and proactive approach to life. What will that be worth?

Lindsey Reed is an experienced confidence coach who specialises in enabling people to have more confidence in their lives. If you experience times of low self-esteem, self doubt and lacking in confidence, email Lindsey@glows-coaching.co.uk or call 01832 280168 to see how your personal and working life can be improved.  

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Do you find yourself sometimes saying “I’m having a bad day”?

Everything seems to go wrong. You start off as if you’ve got out of the wrong side of the bed and everything goes from bad to worse. What can you do?

A Beautiful Day from Lindsey Reed on Vimeo.

If you think about it – there really is no such thing as “a bad day”. It’s all in our minds. It’s us that make it “bad”. It’s our perception and our interpretation. Even when we know this – that the “bad day” is all in our heads, sometimes it can be difficult to change…

Change the Bad Day to a Beautiful Day 

Here are a few tips to aid you to turn that bad day to a beautiful day

• Remember that you have a choice – do you want to continue being miserable or do you want to cheer up….your choice.
• Write down succintly what is going wrong and what action you can do to change this – and then get on and act!
• Change your environment – go for a walk; listen to some great music, watch a funny you-tube clip. If you’re at work – change the height of your chair – really high or low – that will give you a different outlook!
• Put your hand over your heart and feel that beat – remember that you are alive – and alive for a purpose.
• Imagine it’s 5 days from now – will the bad day be significant or not? What about 5 weeks / 5 months / 5 years? Put the day into perspective.
• Make it a bad moment rather than a bad day.
• Think of 10 things that you are grateful for and enjoy thinking about them.

Do let me know if you have any further tips to turn a bad day into a beautiful day.

Lindsey Reed is an experienced confidence coach who specialises in enabling people to have more confidence in their lives. If you experience times of low self-esteem, self doubt and lacking in confidence, Email Lindsey@glows-coaching.co.uk or call 01832 280168 to see how your personal and working life can be improved.

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Positive affirmations are renowned in the Self Help industry as a way to enable people to feel more confident and successful in their lives. They recommend saying each day statements such as….

“I am more and more confident each day” ”I am a successful person”  “I accept myself”.

– I am sure that these are based on good intentions however – do they really work?

Well – it depends…

If you totally believe the affirmation – then fantastic….affirmations can be a reminder on how you want to feel or behave. For example I often affirm how grateful I am – and this gives me a great sense of fulfilment and humbleness when I remind myself how lucky and grateful I am with my life.

However if you don’t fundamentally believe in what you are saying – then what are the consequences?

Positive Affirmations from Lindsey Reed on Vimeo.
Often people find that saying positive affirmations seem so unbelievable for them that all it does is strengthen the very thing that they are trying to reverse. A part of their mind will be saying “What a load of rubbish” and cause inner conflict. If a belief is so deeply rooted at an unconscious level, despite this not being useful, then this often
overrides the positive affirmation.

It’s just like putting a plaster on a wound – the infection will still be there.

So what is the answer?

Awareness is the first step to change….taking the time to
identify your belief or thoughts patterns which are opposing any positive
affirmation that you want to believe, then ask yourself open questions rather
than stating affirmations. Here are some suggestions for you:

• What are the drawbacks of this belief or thoughts?
• Does it really fit in with what’s important to me?
• What was it like to believe this old belief?
• What intentions are my thoughts trying to achieve?
• What beliefs or thoughts do I want to have?
• Changing my beliefs or thoughts – what would I stop doing?…..

Once you believe in the positive affirmation ….then it’s the right time to enjoy repeating it.

If you struggle with overcoming beliefs that stop you achieving in your life or you have critical thoughts dragging you down – then you may be interested in the Confidence Home study programme or Confidence workshops where I share practical steps on how to explore and overcome negative beliefs/thoughts. Many people have already have made significant changes to their lives.

Lindsey Reed is an experienced confidence coach who specialises in enabling people to have more confidence in their lives. If you experience times of low self-esteem, self doubt and lacking in confidence, Email Lindsey@glows-coaching.co.uk or call 01832 280168 to see how your personal and working life will be improved.

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Having studied and worked with hundreds of clients – There are five main elements that you can explore to ensure you build your confidence level and, as a result, giving you the best possible chance to take you to the next level of success. So, in previous blogs we have already looked at how your beliefs, thoughts, emotions and body can impact your confidence, and I have shared with you some useful tips to improve your confidence.

So, what now? We’ve got the theory; now it’s time to put it into practice! It’s like baking a cake; we’ve got the ingredients, have done the baking, covered it with delicious icing … now we’re ready for the cherry on the top!

The accumulation of all of these factors, ultimately, will result in changes in your behaviour.

When working with clients that want to feel more confident, I often ask them to explore the behaviour of a confident person – it may seem easy – however it is important to fully understand what you really want and what confidence really means.

Yesterday, I was coaching a client and I asked her “What do you notice about a confident person – how do they sound? What do you notice about their posture? How do they communicate with others?” We had already explored shy and arrogant behaviours.  She thought about these questions for some time – and then came out with 1 word “Balance”. What a fantastic word!

Another word that reminds me of someone with true inner confidence is “Open”.

Being Open

Being open doesn’t mean that you need to tell people everything about yourself. If you are a private person, that is fine. What it means is that you come across as being approachable, relaxed, sometimes assertive if required and open to speaking with a variety of people.
So, what is the behaviour of an “open” person?

Open Body Language – An open body language shows acceptance and
that you don’t feel threatened. For example:

• Arms and legs are not crossed
• Arms may be relaxed and animated when talking
• Open hands, usually with palm up, can represent that you have nothing to hide
• Legs parallel with feet facing the person you are talking to
• Eyes relaxed and with good eye contact

Starting Open Conversations – Start conversations with open questions. An easy way to remember open questions are the five W’s:

• What…?
• Where…?
• When…?
• Who…?
• Which…?

(I recommend to avoid the “Why…?” question – can seem that you are being interrogated!)

Listen! – Once you’ve asked open question(s), it’s crucial you listen intently to their answers in order to strike-up a meaningful conversation. This means Active Listening: of which there are four key elements:

• Attentive Body Language: Lean forward slightly and nod occasionally
  to show your attentiveness. Maintain eye contact so you both feel comfortable.
• Focus on the Speaker: Give them their full attention and try to notice their body language
• Stay Open Minded: Ensure your own assumptions and judgements don’t
  get in the way of the conversation as this can distort what you hear.
• Engage: Clarify what you have heard using some of their words so that they know you have been attentive and actively listened. It takes practice, and is worth it.

As your confidence increases, you will find yourself less overawed in social, working and networking situations and your behaviour will reflect this.

Remember, people are people. It doesn’t matter about their background or position in life, we are all the same. We are all people

Looking to boost your confidence? You may like to come along to my Confidence Workshop. These are held in a safe and supportive environment with a small group of people that like you, want to improve their confidence too. Click here to find out more.

Lindsey Reed is an experienced coach who specialises in enabling people to have more
confidence in their lives. If you experience times of low self-esteem, self doubt and lacking in confidence, Email Lindsey@glows-coaching.co.uk or call 01832 280168 to see how your personal and working life will be improved.

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It’s that time of year when families gather together to celebrate Christmas. A wonderful time; giving and sharing, laughter and merriment…with baubles and fairy lights glowing.

Or is it a time of stress? Does it mean a time of constant bickering and backstabbing? Do you dread spending time with your relatives and cannot wait for the festivities to end?

In this week’s lightbulb moments, I have shared a tip for you so that you can have an enjoyable Christmas (without relying on drink).

Merry Christmas! from Lindsey Reed on Vimeo.

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a Glowing 2013.

Lindsey Reed is an experienced coach who specialises in enabling people to have more confidence in their lives. If you experience times of low self-esteem, self doubt and lacking in confidence, Email Lindsey@glows-coaching.co.uk or call 01832 280168 to see how your personal and working life can be improved.

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Boosting your confidence: Managing your body

I love watching inspiring speeches on http://www.ted.com/ and thoroughly enjoy one of the videos by creativity expert Sir Ken Robinson talk very entertainingly about how schools kill creativity. One of his analogies I found very amusing was that many University Professors use their bodies as a taxi service to get their heads to meetings!

This reminds me that sometimes we use our minds too much – we can over analysing situations, getting anxious and stressed. Sometimes we just need to get out of our heads and get physical. As the phrase goes “Fit Body, Fit Mind”

Our Messenger

I believe that our body is like our messenger. When I worked in the Corporate world, I suffered from chronic back pain for years. As soon as I left the industry to set up my business in 2005, my back has been pain free. When we are out of kilter and not listening to our emotions, that’s when we may start to feel aches and pains in our body or even become susceptible to illness or dis-ease.

There have been many neuroscience studies that have indicated a correlation with our Emotional Intelligence and our physical and psychological health. When you are calm in mind, you are also calm in body; our minds and bodies are inextricably linked.

Confidence and Exercise

The most obvious way and perhaps the first thing people think of when we talk about  ‘looking after’ our bodies. When we exercise, this stimulates the release of endorphins; chemicals in our brain that are believed to reduce pain, improve the immune system, reduce stress and also delay our ageing process. And apparently you don’t even need to strenuously exercise; endorphins can be released even when meditating or having a massage (My kind of exercise!)

A Confident Body

During the Confidence Workshops that I regularly run, we explore the effect on our bodies at the extremes of not being Confident (passive and aggressive) as well as when we do feel Confident. It always amazes people the difference in their stance and what this feels like. It can be quite powerful emotionally just by changing their physiology.

Think of a time when you truly feel confident (or imagine that you can step into the shoes of a Confident person). Notice what happens to your body stance…. It’s all about being balanced – having equal weight on each foot, standing upright, symmetrical, open and relaxed….and smile. Just by changing your body position can enable you to feel more confident – the reason? Simple terms – because you are sending messages to your brain at an unconscious level that you are “balanced” and so feel more confident.

If you are at a function and want to feel more confident – act as if you do. Then, you may find that you are genuinely feeling more relaxed and confident. It may sound silly, and it does work.

We’ve discussed, in previous blogs, how controlling elements such as Thoughts, Beliefs and Emotions will enable you to boost your confidence. Your physiology is also important as it not only affects your health, it also affects how you feel and how you influence others.

And if controlling our thoughts, beliefs and emotions can seem difficult, surely managing our own bodies is the easiest part?

Want to boost your confidence? My Confidence Home Study Programme gives you all the steps and information you need in order to manage your body and, in turn, take a big step towards boosting your overall Self Esteem. Click here to find out more.

Lindsey Reed is an experienced coach who specialises in boosting the confidence of professionals. Email Lindsey@glows-coaching.co.uk or call 01832 280168 to see how she can help to improve your working life.

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When was the last time that you really celebrated your achievements and success? Or are you afraid that people will think you are “showing off”?

When coaching, be it building confidence and self esteem, or enabling people to move into their next career path, I find that some clients struggle to identify their achievements – they think that they are “just ordinary” and haven’t done anything of use. When we explore deeper – it is amazing what they have achieved: people fund raising tirelessly for great causes, making others feel happy, overcoming adversity, making efficiency savings and the list goes on…and on….and on.

When my clients realise that they are allowed to be proud of their achievements – they seem to grow another couple of inches – it’s fantastic.

Often we forget to stop and reflect on our achievements. We forget to be proud of our own successes and we, too often, hide our light under a bushel. For what purpose?

A friend of mine recently shared with me that his brother has told him to “take his lampshade off his head”. He was playing small and not using his wonderful talents.

As a child I would create and put on little shows as I enjoyed making people laugh. Sadly I would hear “stop showing off Lindsey”. This made me avoid talking in public and I believed that I had nothing to offer. A few years back I took my own lampshade off my head and now thoroughly enjoy using my talents; coaching and run workshops, getting great results and yes I am grateful and proud of this.

That’s the thing – we don’t need to parp on about how wonderful we are and how fantastic we are – that’s not what it’s about. It’s about recognising your own accomplishments and being grateful and proud. This can really aid with growing your inner confidence.

So if you are wearing a lampshade on your head, see what it’s like to take it off, and be proud and grateful of your wonderfulness.

This reminds me of Marianne Williamson’s quote from A Return to Love:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

And I would like to share with you something that I am proud of. Recently I won the “Goodwin Cup” Click here to find out what I did to get this prestigious prize!

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The term ‘emotional’ can often be seen as a negative in the work place; a label given to someone who is not always fully in control and unable to manage the stresses of their position.

But how in control are any of us of our emotions?

We all deal with  our emotions differently; with some people mistaking suppressing emotions for  ‘dealing’ with them. Whether you consider yourself to be emotional or not, it’s important to remember that if we don’t manage our emotions, our emotions manage us.

Understanding our Emotions

Without emotion, life is just a series of facts. We need emotion to make life what it is. Emotions are part of who we are and determine the quality of our relationships with ourselves, our family, friends, associates and colleagues. Our emotions come and go; sometimes they can be triggered like a flick of a switch.

There are no ‘bad’ emotions; emotions are simply your messenger. Sometimes it’s a message telling you to act quickly to a situation, or a message from a past event that you need to learn from and move on from. If your emotions keep giving you negative feelings such as bitterness and anger, these can be very harmful to you; your health, your relationships and your confidence level if you do not deal with them.

Controlling our Emotions

So who does control our emotions? The only person who owns your emotions is you.

How often do people say things like “He made me angry” or “That noise is so annoying!”? But a noise or another person really can’t control your emotions. Of course, sometimes a person’s behaviour can really annoy us; however it’s us that choose to get – or not get – annoyed.

As well as blaming others for our own emotion, we can also deny our own emotions and project them onto other people.

It’s time to take responsibility for your own emotions. You have the ability to respond  however you choose.

You have the choice on how people affect your moods; you have the choice on how you feel today; you have the choice on how you react to different situations.

It is your choice to live how you want to live.

My Confidence Home Study Programme gives you a detailed breakdown of how we can understand and control our emotions and, in turn, take a big step towards boosting your Self Esteem. Click here to find out more.

Lindsey Reed is an experienced coach who specialises in boosting the confidence of professionals. Email Lindsey@glows-coaching.co.uk or call 01832 280168 to see how she can enable you to improve your working life.

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Negative Thoughts? How we can gain control

What kind of thoughts do you have? Do you think to yourself “I’m a failure”, “I can’t succeed”, and “Why bother trying, I’m thick”?  Your inner voice has the potential to be your harshest critic and, as such, the one that can lower your self-esteem the quickest.

Our thoughts can be immensely powerful. If you have damaging thoughts, this will manifest in damaging you and potentially others. It’s about realising that you own your thoughts. You have the choice as to what you think; to change your thoughts from a negative influence to a supportive one. That’s the key to unlock the issue of harmful, negative thoughts.

“Thinking is a discourse that the mind carries on with itself . . . . When the mind is thinking, it is simply talking to itself, asking questions and answering them, and saying yes or no.” Socrates.

Our confidence is based on the thoughts that we have about ourselves. If a person has positive thoughts about themselves, they will enhance their confidence; however if the person has negative thoughts, these will eat away at the confidence level and the person will develop low self-esteem.

I used to think that my lack of confidence in the past was merely the product caused by situations, circumstances, and other people. I didn’t realise that I could create and develop my own thought patterns. What I hadn’t realised was that it was me who was in-charge. It was down to me to gain more supportive and encouraging thoughts and, as such, more confidence.

We previously discussedhow changing your Beliefs could boost your self-esteem. The next step in gaining overall confidence is by changing our thoughts. Now I’m not one of those coaches that think we can just make everything positive, because life isn’t positive all of the time – it’s about being realistic.

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” Albert Einstein.

Changing our Thoughts

Have you ever tried to stop a thought, only to find that it is more persistent than ever?

Many studies reveal that trying to stop may be the start for obsession, rather than the other way around. As a result, we end up thinking all too often about what we don’t want to think about.

One of the prepositions of NLP is that every behaviour has a positive intention. This is what is happening here; our negative thoughts and anxieties are often trying to give us a message, to support us.

I have coached many clients that have already tried to change their way of thinking by other means, however it seems that they have never considered what benefit they get from the negative thoughts or behaviour. This gives an explanation of the reason they haven’t changed.

Even though their negative thoughts are so debilitating, the fear of losing the underlying benefit (even if not understood at a conscious level) is stronger than the pain of their problems or limitations.

The solution is to discover your positive intention, preserve and keep this and then you will be amazed how easy it is for you to create new ways of thinking that fulfils your positive intention in a much better way.

Module 3 of the Confidence Home Study Programmegives you the full eight steps you need to take in order to gain control of your thoughts and, in turn, take a big step towards boosting your Self Esteem. Click hereto find out more.

Lindsey Reed is an experienced coach who specialises in boosting the confidence of professionals. Email Lindsey@glows-coaching.co.uk or call 01832 280168 to see how you can improve your working life.

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